The Secret Heart
by Dax's10thHost
Summary: Just to keep me writing. A drabble series centered around the events of 7x13, "Lineage." Multi-chap.
1. Chapter 1

The Secret Heart

_**B'Elanna**_

—I didn't ask for this, she thinks, mouth dropping open and steps digging into her side as she stares, trying to understand the words she knows she's heard but can't move into fact. —I didn't ask for this. I can't do this. Be a mother. But… this is good…? No. I can't.

_I believe she is pregnant_.

A cold light falls upon her and she recoils, knowing she can't do this. She can't go through it again.

But she's going to, because Seven's hardly ever wrong, and somewhere, deep inside where the light is blinding her, she knows. She's pregnant.

_**Tom**_

_::Seven of Nine to Lieutenant Paris. Report to Sickbay immediately.::_

That's all he gets, besides a nod from Janeway. He wishes Seven would be a bit more specific. And why isn't the Doctor summoning him? He rises and walks to the turbolift anyway, wondering what he's done wrong now.

The 'lift's silence is deafening to his curious ears, feet beating a non-rhythm of nerves. He exits, and the halls inch by.

But when he bursts into Sickbay and hears the Doctor's news, all he can wonder is why B'Elanna isn't the one telling him he's going to be a father.

_**B'Elanna**_

The doors swish open and before she can finish turning, the Doctor's spilled the news. She can't look at him from her place on the biobed, can't even reach out to touch him as he takes a few absent steps forward, mouth ajar and eyes trying to connect the dots that just aren't there.

—I'm pregnant.

His mouth is opening and closing and no sound is coming out. Her stomach clenches, heart gone wild in her chest.

—Oh, please be happy. Please. You have to. For my sake.

She looks at him, and doesn't know if they can do this.

_**Tom**_

—A baby.

B'Elanna… pregnant. And here he thought he'd forgotten to shut off the osteoregenerator again. A _baby_. It's crazy, too crazy. Well, not really. But a baby? Him, a father? What is he going to do? He's not even used to marriage yet, and now he's having a kid?

Father, mother, child. Child. Mother. B'Elanna.

"B'Elanna!"

And he's going to her, touching her, tipping her chin so he can see her eyes. "A baby. A baby, B'Elanna," he whispers, and he's suddenly too happy to say more.

She looks at him, eyes raking his face, gaze trembling… and smiles.

_**B'Elanna**_

She smiles because it's what he expects her to do. Inside, she's shaking, cramming down the panic of memories threatening to engulf her, knowing they'll claim her anyway.

—I can't do this. Not again. What if he stops loving me? What if he leaves?

She looks at him again, but all she wants to do is run away. That won't help her, though, because it's inside her. The baby. She tightens her grip on the biobed to keep from touching her belly, refusing to acknowledge reality. Not yet.

She'd wanted this — _they'd_ wanted this — but now that she has it…

_**Tom**_

They leave in a daze, words spilling past their lips in an attempt to make sense of what's just happened to them. He looks at the floor, then at her, then back at the floor, trying to gain some perspective. His world has just flung itself upside down and shaken, and he's not sure if he's standing on the floor or the ceiling or a bulkhead in between.

But he knows he's happy, and he thinks she is, too. And really, that's all that matters to him. He has B'Elanna, she has him, and they have the baby.

The baby.

_**B'Elanna**_

—A baby. This is good, right? She clips down the hall, eyes on the deckplates and hands clenching, unclenching. —I'm pregnant. I'm excited. I am.

She's half listening to him, half scrambling for some semblance of the life she had before this, the one where he loved her and she loved him and nothing threatened her universe besides the occasional holoprogram or space race.

A baby. It's too much. She wheels to a stop, needing to know. "You're happy about this, right?"

"Of course I'm happy. Just a little overwhelmed, is all."

Overwhelmed. Maybe that's her problem. She hopes so.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Tom_**

At first he tries to wipe the smile off his face, but stops trying halfway to the turbolift. He's in a daze and not sure _why_ he's going to the mess hall, just that he is, so when Neelix throws an arm around his shoulder and the whole room starts to clap, he just shifts from foot to foot and prays B'Elanna doesn't kill him. After all, she'd wanted to keep it quiet.

Wanted.

Does he want this baby?

Yes, yes he does.

Even when Neelix starts babbling about good news and no clothes, he wants this.

All of it.

**_B'Elanna_**

She hates this. Everyone's looking at her. Well okay, not everyone – no one, actually – but it _feels_ like everyone, and she hates being watched. Especially when she's just been told she's pregnant.

Pregnant. Her. With a baby.

(Great, her brain is already surrendering to the hormones. As if she doesn't have enough already.)

Pregnant, and after she swore she'd never be so stupid.

She'd never worried about getting pregnant. Maybe a little at first, before they were married, but never after.

Kahless. Three months, and she's already pregnant.

—This can't be happening.

But it is, and she's stuck with it.

**_Tom_**

He doesn't really know what to expect when he goes back to the bridge, but it is certainly not Tuvok's sedate congratulations and the absence of the Captain and first officer from the bridge.

"They have gone to congratulate Lieutenant Torres," the Vulcan offers, standing stiffly at his post at tactical, "and will return momentarily."

Huh. Tom plops into his seat. The Captain and Chakotay, gone to see B'Elanna. He hopes she'll be okay. One doesn't just tell B'Elanna she's pregnant with her first baby and then expect her to field a flood of congratulations gracefully.

Klingons don't like surprises.

**_B'Elanna_**

They've ambushed her, and now the news is out. She both hates and loves them for this. But mostly hates.

True, now she doesn't have to figure out how to announce it herself, but she also doesn't have the luxury of hiding, panicking, adjusting, and showing up to work fine and dandy the next day.

She knows they're family, but she suddenly has her own family – a _real_ one – one that scares the crap out of her, one she doesn't want but really wants, one that's got her all tied up in knots.

So she hates them.

Mostly.

**_Tom_**

When the Doctor told them to expect mood swings, he hadn't thought they'd start so soon.

So far, B'Elanna's done everything but cry, and she's very close to tears right now. Or at least he thinks she is.

Maybe she's just stressed. Maybe she really did want to keep this to herself for a while. She's probably tired. Emotional.

Her world must be reeling.

Kahless, what is it like for her? Sure, he's the father, but she's the one who has to carry this thing around for… however long she has to. Even that's uncertain.

Do they know anything anymore?

**_B'Elanna_**

She's sucking the life out of him; she can feel it. He's gone to all this trouble to make a nice dinner for her, and all she can do is complain.

He was so _happy_ this morning. So alive, and giddy. And she was too, for his sake. To show him that yes, she was committed to him, even unto this.

But now everything's gone out of her, and all she can do is slump into the chair and try not to cry as he kneads her shoulders; his hands firm, voice tender, heart tremblingly brave.

Trying to be strong.

**_Tom_**

Something's wrong. She's trying too hard. Expectant mother glow aside, she just can't be this happy.

She doesn't want the baby. Oh, God, she doesn't want the baby.

That's it, isn't it? That has to be it. She's not ready to be a mother, not when they've been married a scant three months. Even he hasn't had time to adjust to this life, and he didn't move quarters. He can only imagine what it's like for her.

But he's scared, too. Scared he won't make it as a father. Scared he'll be everything he swore he wouldn't be.

And more.


End file.
